True MIL Confessions - Edition 4

1. When my BIL was getting married, my MIL insisted they have a wonderful rehearsal dinner, but gave them a strict budget. My BIL and SIL added some of their own funds in order to accommodate a decent event. That is fine. But what isn’t fine is that after the event, my MIL then refused to pay. Eventually, she ponied up a small portion of what was promised.

With that in mind, my fiancé and I planned a rehearsal event that wouldn’t depend on his parents’ money since we had to assume there would be none. They were hurt, but insisted that they contribute to a secondary reception on the east coast (we were married on the west) for our friends who were unable to travel to the primary event. They told us how much money they would give us. We provided the rest.

When we called them later to announce my pregnancy, they didn’t answer the phone, presumably because they thought we were calling to request money. It took quite awhile to reach my MIL. (We had to email her to give us a call, stating that it was important news. We weren’t going to reveal the pregnancy in an email!) She then explained they had to buy a new computer and a pedigreed dog, so didn’t yet have the money to give to our (long since occurred) reception. Eventually, yes, she paid. But that was only after we had taken on debt while awaiting their reimbursement.

2. My FIL’s birthday was mere days after I gave birth to my first child. I had a difficult delivery, my husband was flying across the country for a job interview, and I was in the midst of cleaning out my desk at work and giving my notice. We were both under a lot of stress. My MIL chastised us for forgetting his birthday. But she hadn’t acknowledged our birthdays the past year, nor did she acknowledge them the year after!

3. The first time I met my MIL, I automatically rose to help clear the table and wash the dishes. My husband joined me. “It’s okay honey,” she patted his back, “You go out with your father and enjoy yourself while she does the dishes.”

4. My MIL had my husband cosign a student loan since his parents’ credit wasn’t decent enough to do it on their own. Alas, my husband didn’t know not to cosign (he was just a teenager at the time!) She defaulted on the loan, didn’t tell anyone, and my husband had to put his school tuition on a (high interest, because his FICO was affected by his parents’ poor choices) credit card. Meanwhile, my MIL took a portion of my BIL’s after-school job, saying it was going towards his brother’s education. (Lies. But my BIL held a grudge towards my husband for awhile.) Apparently, my FIL doesn’t know about my MIL’s poor money management skills, and neither of them grasp that they ruined my husband’s credit. (My credit was nearly perfect.) Neither of them recognizes that had they not screwed his FICO, we could have been living in a better neighborhood and/or a nicer house. When they visited us shortly after the purchase of our first home, my FIL shook his head, saying he couldn’t believe how close together the houses were. (Yup, that is what happens when you can’t afford a house on a larger lot.) My MIL is irresponsible not only to herself, but to her husband, her children, and now her grandchildren! My children’s lives would be vastly different if we could afford to live in a better neighborhood.

I recognize that we must take responsibility for our own money management, but to set my husband off into the world with ruined credit because of her mistakes was wrong. It is frustrating to hear about her acquisitions of new cars, large screen TVs and the like. I wish she would acknowledge what she did and apologize to my husband! (And I hope that we won’t be held responsible for any of her debts!)

5. I went upstairs to use the sole bathroom in my MIL’s house. As I came downstairs again, I heard her murmur to my 18 month old son, “Your mother doesn’t love you anymore. I’ll be your new mommy now.”